The Myth Index
Myth: Your emotions are running the show.
Emotions don't run anything. An emotion signals what you have been thinking, the way a smoke alarm signals a fire it didn't start.
What's really going on
What people sayFeelings come out of nowhere and push you around. Manage the feeling and you manage your life.
What's realEmotion is always downstream of thought.
We notice the emotion first, so it looks like the emotion came first. It didn't.
An event happens. You give it a meaning based on what you decided about earlier events. That meaning manufactures the emotion.
Two people can feel the same anger and do opposite things. One walks away. One escalates. The anger wasn't steering either one. A thought gave each of them permission.
Change the thought, and the emotion and the behavior both follow.
We notice emotions FIRST, then fool ourselves into thinking the EMOTION is doing the leading. That is NOT what's happening. THOUGHT precedes emotion.@therapy_bites, 2023